Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Trust Leads to Romance

 

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Trust Leads to Romance

What stirs the embers of romance deep inside you?

· Loving Words

· Touch

· A Night Out?

Maybe you haven’t thought about romance lately because of busyness, fatigue, disillusionment, or hopelessness.

I’ve been there too.


But romance with the man you love may not be as elusive as you might think.

Though we all desire romance—every woman longs to be

noticed, pursued, and adored—few of us realize that…

our words and actions may serve as stumbling blocks rather than invitations for the man in our life to woo us romantically.

If this is true, then we’re sabotaging the very romance we desire. Reminds me of the saying,

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

Do you like what you’re experiencing in regard to romance?

If not, ask yourself if you’re more likely to trust OR control your husband.

You’ve seen the controlling type.
Most women on TV sitcoms struggle with control. They walk all over the men they’re with and it bothers us.

It’s easy to detect control in others, but are you guilty of similar actions?

Let’s look deeper and find out.

1. Do you correct your husband?

2. Do you instruct your husband?

3. Do you improve your husband?

Do you correct your husband’s pronunciation or perhaps the

telling of a story when you know he’s got the facts mixed up?


When you correct your husband you’re telling him he did something wrong.

In this position you’ve become his mother. And that’s a romance killer if there ever was one.

Do you instruct your husband when he drives, performs

tasks, or helps out with the kids?


When you instruct your husband, you’re sending the message, “You don’t know how to do this.”

In this position you become the teacher who highlighted his ineptitude. Exposed, he’ll either shrink or strike back, rather than pursue.

Do you improve your husband?

In the past, I’ve tried to improve Tom’s appearance whenever possible. Once, when dressing for dinner at an elegant restaurant on vacation, I wore a vintage cashmere jacket with pearls and heels while Tom wore an improbable, wrinkled ensemble worthy of an episode of What Not to Wear. Yet, I didn’t say a word! (Some of you may be appreciating the restraint that required!) If I’d shared my fashion-improvement advice with him, I would have sent the romance-spoiling message, “You could have done better.”

In what areas do you try to improve your husband?

When we correct, instruct, and improve, we justify our actions by saying we’re just trying to help when, in reality, the measures we employ have more to do with fear—the fear that we won’t get what we want or we’ll get it too late.

Whenever our actions are borne of fear, the results we experience will be disappointing at best!

Give your fears to God and trust your husband with new words and actions…

Inviting him to romance.

Pick up  The Beautiful Wife.

Tammy♥

Monday, February 27, 2012

The Beautiful Wife and Kindle Fire Giveaway!

Want a Growing Marriage?


My husband and I were reading a financial book about how to make your money grow when one of the principles jumped off the page at me:

What you focus on grows. 

Because it’s such a simple principle, I couldn’t get it out of my mind and began applying it to all areas of life, especially relationships.

Most women have the desire to grow a more intimate relationship with their husband

yet  few  focus  their  desire  long  enough  to  do  anything  about  it.
Thus, nothing changes. 

  • Ignorance, 
  • Distractions, and/or
  • hopelessness are often to blame.

I should know. Just 19 when I said, “I do”, I was ignorant about how to grow my marriage.  Our pre-marriage counseling consisted of one two-hour meeting with my pastor and that wasn’t enough to prepare me for the emotional, spiritual, and verbal abuse my husband doled out on a regular basis.   The abuse produced pain and grief.
I could think of little else than surviving. 

Hope for our future crumbled.

Over time, I began sharing my pain with a few trusted, godly women.  Venting my pain and hearing their honest feed-back helped me see that the abuse I was suffering wasn’t my fault. 

I  began seeing a Christian counselor who gave me tools that helped restore me to a place of strength and dignity. 

The best choice I made was to dig into God’s word and find out what He wanted to say to me about my marriage.  In the Bible I found the following verses which applied to my situation:

· “…Your godly lives will speak to them [husbands] better than any words.  They will be won over by watching your pure godly behavior.” (I Peter 3:1,2) In place of preaching to my husband, I began entrusting my difficult situation to God through prayer—listening for His instruction.

· Instead, we will hold to the truth in love…” (Ephesians 4:15) I began to exchange preaching for speaking the truth in love—in as few words as possible.

· “See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good…” (I Thessalonians 5:15) On my new path, I chose to respond in kindness and enforce healthy boundaries in place of angry retaliation.

When I dug into the word, I learned that my husband wasn’t the only one sinning.  My responses to Tom were often sinful and my response was the only thing I was responsible for. 
(
What I wanted was to change my husband but I couldn’t find a biblical reference to support my desire and neither will you)!  

Focused on God and His Word, I was able to reverse negative behavioral patterns in my life which had long plagued me

When I did what I could do—keeping my focus on God, HE DID WHAT I COULD NOT!

He healed me and ultimately my marriage—to the praise of His glorious grace!

What you focus on grows.

Are you focused on growing your marriage?

Study Guide:

I received an advanced copy of The Beautiful Wife study, Mentor's Guide and the Prayer Journal from Litfuse Publicity and I must confess that I was extremely excited to begin reading this study and coordinating a small study group with like minded friends. But as I began reading the study, I was getting the impression that this was written for either young newly married women, engaged women or for women who are new believers. The book is well organized and written and there were a few topics that I hadn’t really focused on in my marriage before but I do believe that this study guide is for the younger about to or newly married believing wife; I think it would make for a wonderful young women’s group study at church or small group home study. I think it would be beneficial to have an older woman guide the study as well.

Mentor’s Guide:

I opted not to put together a study group only because I know very few young women at this time in my life. However, The Mentor’s guide is extremely well written and has an abundance of encouraging support along with small group instructions, hosting tips, leader material and week-by-week guidance. This is a tool I will be using in future groups.

Prayer Journal:

I found the prayer journal to be one of the better prayer journals I’ve seen in many years if not the best one I’ve seen ever! There is an introduction and a How-to guide. And then each week begins with a prayer, reflection on the prayer, a section to write prayer request and for answered prayers. A verse to memorize and a place to journal your response and some follow up or relating verses where you can also write responses to those verses.But the portion that is my favorite is the section where you list God’s attributes using scripture. If you love to journal like I do, this prayer journal is a must have.

Blog Tour Schedule

The Beautiful Wife

About the book:

The Beautiful Wife uses these inspiring stories along with biblical principles to guide and encourage any wife looking for God's best in her marriage. The Beautiful Wife answers serious questions women have about their roles as wives. Discussing everything from romance and money to beauty, communication, and sex, Sandy challenges women to open up and share their journeys so that together they can see God's plan for their marriages. "It is my passion to help women discover God's heart for their marriage, just as the other women helped me," writes Sandy. "When women share with each other the details of their journeys with God as wives, it's a beautiful thing indeed." The Beautiful Wife has two companion resources - Prayer Journal and Mentor's Guide.

 

 

Sandy Ralya

About Sandy Ralya:

Sandy Ralya is the founder and director of Beautiful Womanhood, a marriage mentoring ministry based near Grand Rapids, Mich. Her marriage testimony was the focus of a popular three-day interview on FamilyLife Today, TV's Walking by Faith, and Time Out for Women. Sandy is a sought-after speaker, presenting Beautiful Womanhood seminars to hundreds of women each year at MOPS groups, women's retreats, and church leadership conferences across the country and in Canada. Sandy and her husband Tom have been married since 1980, and have a growing number of grandchildren. www.beautifulwomanhood.com

Celebrate with Sandy by entering her Kindle Touch Giveaway and coming to her "Beautiful Womanhood" Facebook Party {3/8}!

One beautiful winner will receive:

  • A Brand new Kindle Touch with Wi-Fi
  • The Beautiful Wife By Sandy Ralya
  • The Beautiful Wife Prayer Journal and Mentor's Guide

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. But hurry, the giveaway ends 3/7/12. Winner will be announced at Sandy's "Beautiful Womanhood" Facebook Party on 3/8. Sandy will be hosting an evening of chat, laughter and encouragement - bring your friends! She'll also be giving away some GREAT prizes: gift certificates, books, prayer journals and a live chat with Sandy for your Bible study or small group!

So grab your copy of The Beautiful Wife and join Sandy and friends on the evening of March 8th for an evening of fun.

Enter via E-mail Enter via FacebookEnter via Twitter

Don't miss a moment of the fun. RSVP today and tell your friends via FACEBOOK or TWITTER and increase your chances of winning. Hope to see you on March 8th!

Tammy♥

**DISCLAIMER**  I received a copy of this book(s) for free in exchange for my completely honest opinion.